Choose Your Words on Purpose
Doyle Slayton | May 17, 2009 | Comments 16
Choose your words wisely. They carry a big impact. I’ve always coached people to refrain from saying things that plant negative seeds. You know those nasty statements that you can never take back. I’ll share two examples.
A manager might say, “That’s fine, I’ll just fire you,” and the employee might say, “Well then I’ll just quit.”
Another example might come between a husband and wife… the “D” word. “I’ll just divorce you then.”
Nobody wins with these types of statements, and it plants a seed of doubt. Those involved lose trust and begin considering other options. When new challenges arise, and they always do, the “I’m outta here” option always creeps back in.
The good news is we can break that negative cycle. If you have had this type of conversation with your boss, or your significant other, go to them right now and apologize. Promise to never ever say those things again… no matter what.
Depending on how deep the hole is, it might take time to correct. The only way out is to take a total commitment, high discipline approach. No matter how difficult the moment, from here on out, be a person of your word. Break the cycle… live up to the promise.
“The most disciplined people achieve the greatest success. When they come to a fork in the road, they don’t give themselves an option.”
-Doyle Slayton
Every word you say should be for a reason. Speak positive words that build your will and the will of others. Know that what you continually say will happen. Your success hinges on your ability to choose your words on purpose!
What negative cycles or patterns have you corrected in your life that have taken you to a higher level of success?
Check Out These Related Articles!
Filed Under: Blog • Featured • Leadership • SalesTaxi
Doyle,
Great advice. Saying those words are a thousand times easier than repairing the damage they cause. Once something is said, it if very hard to take back.
Thanks,
Will Fultz
Excellent advice. I catch myself doing that all the time even jokingly with the team that works for me. Many may not be affected by it but I know a few are. It is something to keep an eye on with everyone in our life so that we can improve their lives and not detract from them. Words have power and understanding that can lead to greatness in those around us as well. Keep writing good stuff.
Thanx
Scott
I agree, our words can make or break a relationship. I always share with sales professionals that they should talk to their family members every bit as caring and patient as they do their clients. We should consider how much more worthy are they than complete strangers. We need to always think about the impact our words have.
It is interesting that language is one of the core abilities that divide humans from animals. When we speak we ‘say’ things into the atmosphere, words are creative not just sounds in the air. They carry meaning, can move, inspire or incite crowds. What we say is part of what ‘writes’ our destiny.
This is profound, deeply impact stuff. We treat words and speech lightly – throw careless language, threats or profanities around thinking they are of no consequence. But we already know that our words carry a creative energy; somehow they ‘write’ our thoughts into reality. This can work positively and destructively. It’s interesting, even applying this the names we give our children…….food for thought.
Another excellent way to state what should be obvious, but isn’t. All the responses are spot on, and I’ll need more caffeine to fully chew on Liz’s… ;>)
I call it “playing the quit card”, and when an employee does it (or their manager on their behalf, which is just as bad), I try and explain to them how that only hurts the situation.
I’ve seen it played out of frustration, and admittedly, did it once myself years ago (luckily my boss didn’t take it seriously and we worked through it. I did apologize). Usually it is a result of the person just needing to vent, so as long as there is mutual respect and you work through whatever was causing the friction, it doesn’t cause much damage.
I’ve also seen it played like it is some all-powerful trump card to anything management wants or expects. This one needs a prompt and firm response the first time, otherwise the person saying it will do so continually, and the negativity it creates is very harmful to the business.
I think it comes down to the investment of effort and emotion a person is willing to make. To continue my analogy, it takes more thought and has more risk to play a card game without wild or trump cards. So why not make your own rules and stack the deck in your favor?
Your advise is timely. This past weekend I found myself in a heated discussion with my 17 year old daughter. She moved in with us six weeks ago and this was our first real challenge. At one point I was tempted to tell her if she could not follow the rules she could pack her things and move back with her mother. Well, that is not what I wanted, nor do I want to plant that seed. In business or home life, your article is spot on.
Excellent! Its really important now-a-days to be careful of every word that we speak as there is much tension and strain in our work environments which effect at our homes too. Great advice, Doyle
you reminded us of a very important point, which generally we forget whenever we get frustrated.
It’s never easy to speak words that are positive to one another or even to ourselves sometimes. It is however worth the effort!
“…….For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34 NIV
GOD BLESS & GOD SPEED.
What a very refreshing post. I spend a lot of time in classes showing people how their words become their reality – in my case this includes the written word as well as the spoken one. When people are very negative, the question ‘so what DO you want?’ is very powerful and often stops them in their tracks.
Very simple words but very true!!
I could not agree with you more on the choice of your words. Not only is the choice of your words critcal to both personal and professional situations, but the tone of how you say them is equally important.
Having been a Corporate Controller and having my fair share of many meetings, and presentations, I learned early on that by reflecting a positive tone and positive choice of words, it helped whatever situation I was in. In fact, it fueled hope, inspiriation and sincere commitment on my part. Having learned also that being negative about personal issues as well as professional situations were the factors that prevented me from becoming successful both professionally and personally. The beauty of every day we are blessed to wake up is, starting all over again to becoming the best person we can ever hope to be…..and by the way…it is certainly more fun being a positive, friendly, caring person than a critical, negative, know everything kind of person.
Listen first….take a deep breath…..and enjoy the day…each and every day!!
Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! really nice post.
Elenora
But aren’t words only 7% of your communication?
I’d advise you be careful how you say things (tonality is 30% of your communication) and how you communicate with your body language (body language is 63% of your communication).
Danny Kitchener
interim.sales.consultant@gmail.com
Do you know of Meryl Runion’s work? This is her field of expertize http://speakstrong.com Tell her I sent you!
Phyllis Khare
Some excellent insights and tips here. All of them are so true! But most of us do not even realize the impact our words can have on people around us..especially if its loved ones. A naturally talkative person may find it very difficult to control what they say, simply because they say a lot more than others. Such individuals can easily transition into gossip mongers if they are not careful.
The first step would be to not talk as much..and then practice “Think before you speak”. Its a tough process..but can be very rewarding in the long run..
Thanks for all the wonderful inputs all!
Great advice and thanks! We all cannot be reminded enough as it should be a lifetime commitment not a one time thing. Prov 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.”