Emails That Win Deals!
Doyle Slayton | Jan 06, 2010 | Comments 13
One of our top performers called me to her cube today and said, “Doyle… I need your help. I was supposed to get a final decision today from a big account I’ve been waiting on. Although the prospect promised to call me… she didn’t. I’ve tried calling her and haven’t been able to reach her. It’s the end of the day, and I’m writing her an email. Can you read over it and tell me what you think…”
I read through the first three sentences and noticed it was just a bunch of fluffy language that didn’t really say anything… a bunch of blah, blah, blah. We’ve all been there right?
So I told her, “Delete it.”
She looked back and said, “What?”
“Delete all of that stuff,” I repeated, “Keep it simple, direct, and go for the win!”
Instead of a bunch of fancy, sugary, test-the-waters type of language, we transformed her email to read…
(I’ve changed the prospect’s name and contact information for this article)
Amy,
I was looking forward to speaking with you today but we were unable to connect. What time will you be available tomorrow morning?
Our team is on stand by, ready & excited to bring you on board!
Thank you!
Megan
The email was intended to do three things.
- Remind the prospect that they were supposed to speak today. It’s the end of the day… and we are still trying!
- We don’t want the same thing to happen tomorrow, so let’s schedule a definite time to talk.
- We are ready… are you?!!!
At first, Megan was worried that the email was too short and too direct, but she sent it anyway. Within 10 minutes, the prospect responded…
Megan,
You are one of the best salespersons I have ever met! I love to read your e-mails and learn a few ways to sell myself. Okay, please just call me tomorrow at 10:30 on my cell phone, 972-XXX-XXXX. I look forward to moving forward.
Thanks,
Amy Jones
How about that… we even got her cell phone!
What’s the moral of this story? Be direct. Keep things simple. Dance when it’s time to dance. Close when it’s time to close!
Share one of your stories! How do you re-engage a prospect that goes quiet at decision time?
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I’m so glad you posted this! I’d like to see the “original” email, because many of us fall into that trap.
As women, often we’re afraid to be direct, when that’s exactly what we need to do to win the business.
The fewer the words, the more impact we have!
Amy –
I agree – I like this email approach, too.
I don’t, however, think all women should be lumped together though as being afraid to be direct. Some people just aren’t direct. Men included.
Great email, great example.
Keep it simple, that is the message.
Good stuff Doyle! Now, if we could just make an autoresponder do that for us!
Seriously, the direct approach always works. Prospects appreciate it. Usually, when you’re having trouble reaching them, its because they’re busy. Respect that. Tell them what you want and make it easy for them to give it to you.
Excellent recommendations, Doyle! It was short, and focused on the client’s needs. It demonstrated confidence and included a call to action. How could Amy help but reply?
Its a classic example of being ‘to the point’ sans the usual sugary stuff……Good work Doyle!
By the way, this is my first visit to your website and I must say,seeing something closer to day-to-day affairs being dealt in a professional and assertive way did teach me a thing or two.
…. great approach, could have been also been written by a German – we usually don’t have problems getting to the point
Great example Doyle!
I see waaay too many emails that are much to elaborate… I don’t even get 3 sentences in before I delete.
Bill
Nice simple yet direct email with next steps built into it. What would be in the “Subject” line?
A few subject line that seems to get a much higher response rate for me is:
My Name – Reply Kindly Requested
My Company Name – Reply Kindly Requested
Hi Doyle,
You h’ve chosen a fantastic example to show the importance of Direct approach in sales..
keep posted this kind of useful stuffs..
Thank u